Vis

E un sir de oameni, un sir imens de oameni care plang. In care suntem si noi. In spatele nostru sunt oameni care plang privindu’ne, iar noi la randu’ne privim plangand la cei din fata, care privesc in gol sau privesc plangand la cei din fata lor.
Nimeni nu spune nimic, desi mintile urla, sufletele implora, inimile se naruie.
E multa deznadejde in sirul asta, dar nu se rupe.
Rar, foarte rar, cineva din fata se intoarce spre cel din spate si ii vede lacrimile. Atunci cei doi se iau de mana si ies din sir, iar ceilalti vad asta ca un motiv sa spere, sa mai stea putin, sa mai priveasca printre lacrimi in ceafa celui din fata, doar doar s’o intoarce si ii va vedea.
Si totul se intampla intr’o liniste care ar fi deplina daca nu ar fi intrerupta din cand in cand de bufnitura surda a celor ce se prabusesc din sir. Din cand in cand cate unul cade. Cade pentru ca a asteptat atat de mult incat a uitat de ce plange. Uita si sa stea in picioare si atunci se naruie in baltile de lacrimi de pe jos unde uita mai apoi sa si respire. Atunci cei din spate plang si mai tare, unii chiar cad la randul lor si iar e multa deznadejde. Pana cand undeva alti doi ies din sir tinandu’se de mana…Si restul iar trag aer in piept si gasesc puterea sa mai planga putin, ametiti de speranta.

Nadir 18 Martie 2011

Today

Today is yesterday’s hope and tomorrow’s disillusion.
We are less then memories, we fade away like a forgotten dream.
Day after day after day we die alone and bitter while searching our happiness in others.
Tomorrow after today after yesterday…
Yes, today was yesterday’s dream and will be tomorrow’s nightmare.
And every tonight, without knowing it, we decide if we will live another tomorrow.
Every tomorrow tonight’s dream fade away.
We forget so we can start allover.

yet sometimes we remember.

Flip a coin, roll a dice. Head or tails? Good bye or good morning?
what shall it be?

Nadir – March 15 2011

And There Is You

And there is darkness, within you
With all its shades, whispers and fright
Surrounds your heart and paints your hair
With streaks of night…
And there is light, within your eyes
That’s stolen from the Sun’s own right
And pastures’ green and moon-like white
Shimmer delight…
And there is hunger, that I see
A grieve for love, for hope and dreams
A crave for that which makes you „be”,
But not for me…

Nadir – Nov 27 2010

Ploaia

E ceva anume în sunetul ploii. Fie că lovește tare acoperișurile și pervazurile sau că se prelinge mai ușor pe geamuri, ploaia vorbește în stări și gânduri. Ploaia vorbește în cald atunci când ne e frig in suflet sau în rece atunci când arșița febrilă a gândurilor nu dă semne a se ostoi. Ploaia ne vorbește în ud când începem să ne uscăm pe dinăuntru. Și în curat atunci când ne îneacă mizeria propriei nebunii.
Uneori, în liniștea absurdă și totală a singurătății, ploaia este singura ce încă ne mai șoptește ceva.

Și deși o auzim oricând, doar atunci când suntem cu adevarat singuri o putem asculta.

Confused

Not sure what happened…
A few moments ago I just saw a green bud and a bright little blossom. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe them in but
all of the sudden the sun scorched my back. I turned to look and my eyes were met by a rain of rusty leaves. I blinked
incredulously, just to shiver while seeing bright stars in an evergreen…
Not sure what happened…

This Night

Tonight

There is this night, you know? It set upon my mind…
It’s dark and cold, and makes me slumber
Its icy finger scratches at my eyes
And leaves me blind
To blunder…

There is this silence that’s smothering my screams,
It makes me deaf and leaves me numb,
It’s just too loud but yet so thin.
Pierces my dreams,
They’re gone…

If there was hope, I can’t remember,
For it was never meant to last.
Like everything, it has surrendered
To the past.

So…
There’s this night, you know?
When even darkness seems too bright,
When even blood tires to flow.

It is my night, it is my time.

Tonight is mine.

Nadir, March 22 2018

 

Autoportret

Scent

Remember when we talked about scents? You said yours is a scent of earth. I thought so too, but now I know better.

There was a spring rain trying to convince the nearly blossomed trees it’s not the time yet. A cold rain, yet it was bringing the promises of green, of sun and life. Promises of alluring scents and leaping hearts. Out of this rain and into my mind comes this child whose wide wide eyes asked questions so deep that no man could ever answer. Eyes full of thirst for life and happiness, eyes full of hope and desire for beauty, love and passion… And with this child comes a sweet breath of wind that carried the scent to me. That scent filled my very essence with life.

So then i knew.

You have the scent of spring rain in a child’s hair.

Nadir, Apr 16, 2011

Books

Sometimes we need to fill in some gaps in our lives. And sometimes we do that by reading books that have what we lack. But sometimes we get to BE those books.

How many times didn’t we open a book that has all we miss and devoured it while we even forget to breathe? How many times did we fall asleep with that book in our hands and even while we slept we were still eagerly waiting to pick up the story trail? But then again how many times did we get to read that last page every book has? And we closed the book and discarded it on a shelf blaming it for not being as fulfilling as we wanted it to be, like it was that book’s fault we considered it less than reality.

Sometimes we get to be that book…

And reader, mind this: those of us that are ‘books’… we try our best to make you wake up UNTIL you hit that last page. We try, we pray, we do all we can. We don’t want to be thrown away on a dusty shelf, nor do we want to see your eyes filled with emptiness again while your soul gets numbly back to what you think your life is. But no matter how hard we try, we still have a last page. We are your life too, but if you hit that last page as a reader, if by then you still read your life instead of living it… well there is nothing more we can do.

Never read the last page of a book you like unless you are truly ready to also read these two simple and otherwise inevitable words

THE END

Nadir, April 29 2011

I Am

I am the wind that blows away the clouds of your doubts.

I am the water that washes away your fears and slowly crumbles the walls around you

I am the steady earth that holds and guides your steps on your path

I am the fire that warms your heart and melts the ice away

I am the spirit that keeps you whole.

Don’t break me, for you will fall apart…

Nadir, May 25, 2011

Desert

Scorching heat during the day, under the sun. Everything burns in waves of bright light. Even the tiniest drop of sweat sizzles and dies. You can’t even cry, for tears die before they even have the chance to roll on your face. Can’t keep your eyes open, for the light itself burns like hot spikes of fiery steel embedded in your brain. You can’t stop, you can’t lay on the ground no matter how tired you are, for if you do the hot sand would make the little blood left in you boil. All you can do is desperately hope for a bit of shade, for a cool breeze.

And just when you think it’s all over night comes. The shade you so hoped for comes as pitch black darkness that the stars, no matter how many, can’t even hope to tear apart. The cool breeze you so wished for is a freezing madness that rips your lungs apart with every gasping breath. And again you can’t cry for any tear would froze into icy needles that scratch deep in your eyes. You would drop down, but then the cold sand would freeze the little warmth your heart still carries.

So you walk aimlessly, day and night, with painful steps that burn or freeze your soles, with eyes that don’t see anything anymore. A whirlwind of pain, a mindless torture, silently screaming for absolution. You feel the sand and remember how it came to existence. Torrid heat, freezing cold, scorching light, chilling darkness. The strongest of granite is torn to pieces, smaller and smaller, until only dust remains. The same dust that sometimes rip apart your flesh in the storms that are making sure you will crumble no matter what. All turn to dust. So will that empty, soulless husk you still happen to be. In the end no one will be able to tell the difference. One grain of sand or another. Was it granite, was it bone? Is this what remained of a rock, or someone’s hopes and dreams?

Who cares?

It’s nothing but dust, for nothing survives here but the dust. It’s the desert we call life. Deadly, but god it looks good in the pictures…

Nadir, June 15, 2011